Natalie Woods

Everybody's story of loss is different although they all end the same, a shattered moment and a lifetime of grief. My story began when I was 19 years old. I was all alone when I was told at my 9 week scan that my baby had no heartbeat. It had died 3-4 days prior. My legs turned to jelly as I walked out of the hospital, slumped down on a bench and wailed my heart out. I was all alone in emergency surrounded by pregnant women and newborn babies as I was waiting to organise to have my baby removed. Or to have my "human waste disposed of" as the hospital staff put it. I was all alone when I went in for surgery and I was all alone as I cried myself to sleep on the couch that night. A week later I had to go back for an infection I'd had from the surgery. They made me wait in the women's area filled with pregnant women and newborns. Every poster depicted a healthy pregnancy, not ONE mentioned anything about loss or depression. Hearing those newborns cry made my heart feel like it was being ripped out, twisted and stepped all over. I got up and ran out of there instead seeking help from my GP. I moved away from my ex just weeks after and I felt more alone than ever while I grieved the loss of my baby and the future I'd not long ago imagined having with it.

The hospital gave me no direction on where to go after. They simply waved me out the door, so to speak. So when I returned in a desperate manner looking for an answer on where to go next, how to cope with that amount of grief, how to find closure, they dusted off an old Teddy Love Club folder they'd removed from an old office by the look. This was a similar foundation to Bears of Hope and it's what brought me to a loss community filled with people that understood, listened, helped! I was flooded with support and finally I wasn't alone anymore.

But here is also where I learnt more about loss, other people's stories. Early miscarriages where some women receive no support because they hadn't even told the world they were expecting yet. Their losses are often referred to as "just a bunch of cells" and "at least they weren't further along". Late miscarriages under 20 weeks and their babies aren't classified as people to the government despite their perfect human figure. These babies aren't even entitled to a death certificate. Stillbirths where babies look so perfect yet they lie lifeless, some for unknown reasons. Termination for medical reasons, oh my, my heart breaks just beginning thinking of what those parents must go through to make that decision. The loss of a newborn baby who may have only made a few cries before growing their angel wings a lifetime too early. The loss of children who haven't even seen their 10th birthday. Then I learnt everything these parents go through... Society says we're not meant to talk about our babies because it makes most people uncomfortable. To hospitals, our babies, our children are nothing but human waste or spontaneous abortions. We're told to "move on" and "get over it". I personally had an elderly lady look at my then bare wedding ring finger and say "perhaps it was for the best if you're unwed, love". Ask any loss parent what came after their loss and they will tell you something they went through that will leave you speechless. I also learnt here that 1 in four known pregnancies will end in loss and SIX babies are born still in Australia every DAY.

I later went on to marry and have a rainbow daughter and son. Although we suffered two losses between our living children too. This time though, I knew where my community was and I was surrounded with loving friends and family who understood how much pain I'd gone through the first time and how to help me through it this time.

For my first baby's 10th birthday, or, day he or she came into this world, I am determined to donate a cuddle cot so I can help not one, but countless families through their loss in their time of need. A way to give back to a community that gave me so much. A way to honor my baby so his or her life meant something. So that my baby didn't die for nothing.

I am fundraising for a cuddle cot to be donated to an Australian hospital, funeral home or hospice to support bereaved families in those crucial days after the loss of their baby. A cuddle cot is a cooling system that lays beneath the baby within a bassinet. It enables families to keep their baby close and create beautiful memories, spending as much time as they wish with their baby, before saying goodbye. This reduces the worry or distress of separation to keep handing their baby back to staff.

I would love you to help me reach my goal of $6500, supporting this cause by making a donation of any amount, and please feel free to leave a message of support.